I AM SELFISH.
Disgustingly so, in fact. There have been a lot of opportunities to give that have been made available to me recently. Each time they’ve presented themselves, I’ve thought, well, we’re in the middle of an adoption. We’re already supporting two kids in Africa. I would love to (such total BS) but we just don’t have the extra money this month.
Then, guess what I’ll do? I’ll go to Moe’s for dinner. I’m perfectly willing to say that I don’t have the money this month, but then I’ll go blow it on myself and my family for over priced food that we don’t even need.
I do this all the time. And you know what is the most disturbing thought? It doesn’t even bother me. Well, it didn’t. Until the other day.
God hit me over the head with that Moe’s burrito. I mean, seriously. It came out of no where, this conviction. Now, don’t get me wrong- I’m not saying that God never wants me to go out and enjoy a burrito, but God DOES want to highlight the state of my heart. And it wasn’t good.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Well, I wouldn’t want my myself to be hungry, would I? (Obviously, as I’m willing to over-eat at Moes). I wouldn’t want that for my kids. What about all these other people? What about that opportunity I even posted about online, the opportunity to buy someone a Christmas dinner in Uganda for $25? That is an opportunity to love my neighbor as I love myself. I even posted about it. I am ashamed to admit, I posted about it, in hopes that someone else would love their neighbor since I wasn’t willing to do it on my own.
But to me, the most upsetting thing was that these are families in Uganda. They might even be my boy’s family. These are people I have claimed to love, on Facebook, and on my blog.
What good is the word love? If I loved them as I loved myself, I would show them. God, help me.
Change my heart. Make it more like yours. Reveal these things to me, even though they’re painful. Continue to reveal these things. Where is my trust? Why can I not believe that the more I give, the more God will provide?
These realizations are not easy, but they are necessary. How can I ever be like Jesus if I’m not willing to shed my own selfishness? So, I’ll keep trudging along. Keep us in your prayers.
Here is the link to provide a meal to a family in Uganda.
Please join me.
If you are looking for another opportunity to love your neighbor as yourself, here are some more:
Thanks for reading!